Off to Pre-school

Last year, I've asked my parents to enroll Shaynna in a nursery school in Iligan City. However, no school accepts a 2-year old. Shaynna is already 3 years old, so she now goes to Montessori School in Iligan City. Weeks before the start of classes, she's been bugging everyone at home about going to school. She even narrated that if Papa were still alive, Papa would also be there on her first day. She was very excited. But what happened today, the first day?

My mother, Manang Gina, Shaynna's father, and I went with her to school. As we approached the school gate, Shaynna would no longer let go of my hand. As we went inside the gate, I had to carry her to the classroom because she looked scared and she started to cry. When were already inside the classroom, she clung on to me tightly, much like a monkey. I tried to talk to her and explain that I had to get out of the room but it did no good. The classes started and I was the only parent inside the room. More than an hour passed of convincing and even playing with her while her classmates did other activities, she still wouldn't get off me.

Then it was time for them to eat their snacks. I asked her to throw a biscuit wrapper and surprisingly, she got off me. Taking that chance, I silently went out of the classroom and went to the waiting area to check on my mother. Shaynna's father was outside the classroom and when I went back to check on Shaynna, her father was trying to soothe her. I was out for only a few seconds and I was not aware that she tailed after me crying! That time, Shaynna would not get near me because she felt bad that I left her.

And So, We Met Again

Last April, a month before my father's death, he was hospitalized due to heart attack, the first attack. When he was still in the hospital, I promised to let him visit his hometown in Bohol after his recovery. He had always loved being with his siblings and relatives. A month later, he died in his beloved hometown. Mama, my sister, and Shaynna were with him in Bohol. From Japan, I had to go directly to Bohol.

As the taxi approached my aunt's house, I saw Shaynna. I was torn between the fear of not being acknowledged by Shaynna and the dread of seeing my lifeless father. As I got off the taxi, I was met by my mother. At that moment, everything else flew away from my mind and all I could feel was far beyond grief. It was the deepest pain I've ever felt.

As I was crying my heart out, someone hugged my left leg and as I looked down, I met the eyes of someone I've been longing to meet again. I've always feared that my 3-year old daughter won't come near me, being away from her for almost 2 years. She then stretched out her hands, urging me to pick her up, while saying "mommy". At a young age, she seemed to understand everyone's pain, my pain and unknowingly became my strength, my comfort.